05 October 2022
4 minutes read

By Josh Flowers

Introduction

Pizza. What is it?

Is it simply a one-sided jaffle, or is it something more?

Is not pizza a symbolic and literal platform? A platform for content? A platform that users interact with, transact with, and socialise around. Indeed, pizza is arguably the most ubiquitous, the most universal and prolific platform of them all.

In the cultural conversation we are having around the Metaverse - pizza is overlooked to a worrying degree. In our conversations around web5 and the shining promise of a distributed, egalitarian web, perhaps we need to consider the global network of pizzas already operating, already delivering value, and already satisfying our hunger for connection.

Next time you’re interested in investing in crypto ‘for the technology’, perhaps consider the battle honed technology of bread, perfected over 10,000 years ago. No decentralised file storage, no SHA-256 algorithms and no blockchain required to enjoy a wood fired pizza base.

Next time you’re considering evangelising NFTs for their forward-looking, fair and egalitarian vision of fair royalty payments, consider instead that pizza technology is completely open source and free to use. Not only that, pizza is a turn-key platform by which anyone can kick-start a value creation enterprise, with low capital outlay, healthy long term returns and zero risk of your life savings evaporating overnight.

Perhaps it’s time to take off the VR headset and enjoy nature’s Metaverse instead.

Below is a starter list for getting the most out of your personal Pizzaverse.

The Pizza Algorithm

Everybody knows that ordering the correct amount of pizza is critical. The stakes are high: if we over-engineer our platform, food wastage will occur. If we skimp on serving resources, we suffer from the social awkwardness of being labelled a poor portioner.

Finally, through years of intense primary research and peer review, we have established a mathematically correct proof for optimal pizza ordering.

The Algorithm

Where:

N = the number of people in any given gathering

P = the number of typical medium pizzas required*

*NOTE: Large pizzas vary too much in size to be considered mathematically stable.

Algorithm Discussion

The reason the number of pizzas decreases as party size increases has been intensely debated amongst pizza appetite experts worldwide. Flowers et al (2022), demonstrates through substantial qualitative research a natural law of diminishing pizza appetite returns. Represented by the curves below, this relationship appears to be logarithmic, providing mathematical proof that the deceleration of pizza demand continues to decrease infinitely. Theoretically, this suggests a maximum possible pizza order size.

Pizza demand appears to to decrease logarithmically.

Further study is required to determine this maximum order size (our missing k), though early indications show the discovery of this number could help us to theoretically feed human populations with a maximum efficiency quotient e= 99.99%.

Note that efficiency levels for smaller parties are inherently low because of the Slice Size Uncertainty Principle (SSUP), which demonstrates that the irregularity of size creates noise within low sample numbers. Therefore, the higher our sample size, the more confidently we can predict the efficiency (e) of our pizza serving size predictions.

Crust wastage reduction

We propose a new format of pizza slicing in order to reduce crust wastage. For crowds of N => 5, the incidents of crust wastage increases exponentially. Accounting for the marginal slice of the population who are crust avoiders (crust avoiders rarely self identify, resulting in historically lower estimates of CAs in the community), the following slicing diagram presents a real-world solution to reduce crust wastage.

Some popular pizza slicing techniques to minimise crust wastage.

Some popular pizza slicing techniques to minimise crust wastage.

Spotlighting and celebrating crust eaters in any given community is a solid strategy for organisations looking for easy crust wastage reduction wins. Making crust eaters feel valued is a proven way of bolstering crust appetite and artificially reducing crust aversion amongst populations by up to 22%  (D’Souza).

Minimum viable slice

Pizza economists debate the value of measuring minimum viable slice in a post New York slice Pizzanomics environment. Our argument however relies on this concept heavily to explain the phenomenon of artificial communal hunger satiation, even in the case of too small a pizza order.

Poole (2022), suggests that as little as 0.167 of a pizza (1 medium slice) can lead to self reported hunger satiation in groups - but only when the pizza is free. This condition creates a unique abundance mindset with a scarcity modifier, synergising to create the well known ‘minimum viable slice’ phenomenon in double blind clinical trials.

Breadchain technology

Peer reviewed studies have shown that sourdough crust exhibits stronger breadchain synergies than regular yeast-driven pizza dough (Muller, 2022). Sourdough starter functions as a compelling origin block framework derivative, defining a theoretically infinite string of breadblocks after that. Any one pizza base can be identified as belonging to a member of any starter origin block through simple taste testing (Muller, 2022). This highlights the growing importance of advocating for human-scale local Breadchains

One of the most desirable features of utilising breadchain technology is that no yeast is required to form a pleasing crust.

Golden crust ratio

Clayden et al (2022) purports an increase in pizza crust breadwidth in crust eating populations when crusts adhere to the Golden Crust Ratio. Findings suggest that the GCR varies greatly depending on the thickness of the pizza base under consideration, existing on the sliding scale between deep pan cheese crust to crust-less base morphologies.

Pizza practitioners are advised to practice extra diligence when sourcing from providers who are not accredited by the GCR Working Group, a not-for-profit foundation dedicated to minimising crust wastage through peer reviewed breadwidth studies and lifecycle optimisation of the crust to base ratio.

Conclusion

Application of these concepts is a no-brainer to establish an optimal Pizzaverse. After all, when it comes to wheat based technologies like pizza, you literally and metaphorically reap what you sow.

We invite keen readers to apply these tips in their local communities to drive deep pan efficiencies in their segmented circles of influence.


Chief Commercial Officer
Joshua Flowers is co-founder and CCO at Paper Moose. A self-professed uber-nerd, tech enthusiast and industrial designer, you can find Josh involved in aspects of the business as varied as finance, operations, design and tech.

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